Self portrait

This one had high contrast in the hopes it might not be immediately obvious that there are tears and I'm crying. You'd have to look closely and take a moment to stop your eyes being drawn to the brighter parts. Handprints from the things that hurt and stick to myself forever afterwards. Feels like the light is from the pain, and that's what guides me in my decisionmaking-- no longer seeking success, but rather, avoiding pain. It's also like a sort of glue-y texture, as if it's part of what's holding the fragile, breaking self together. Pain is so grounding, it feels so easy to anchor myself to it and use it as a crutch to define myself with.